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Why Kalabari Women Prefer to cohabit than to marry

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Dr. Seinye O.B. Lulu-Briggs, wife of the paramount head of the Oruwari Briggs Compound of Abonnema, was the guest speaker at the 8th edition of the annual King Kariboye-Abbi Amachree IV Lecture, which took place recently in Buguma, the Kalabari Kingdom.

There are a lot of inter-ethnic marriages taking place these days. How would your lecture help young people who are not from Kalabari land understand the customs and wedding expectations…

There are a lot of inter-ethnic marriages taking place these days. How would your lecture help young people who are not from Kalabari land understand the customs and wedding expectations of families of their Kalabari in-laws?

The thrust of my paper is multi-layered. Primarily, my goal is to help the current generation of Kalabari sons and daughters gain a fuller understanding of the richness of our culture and significance of the way in which we, the Kalabari people, do things. I am very concerned that our folkways and traditions must not be lost in the growing flight to globalisation and the attendant flight to the adoption of Western ways. Many of our children no longer live in the villages or in places where they can learn our traditional folkways. For them as well as for our would-be in-laws from other ethnic groups, what I have endeavored to do in this lecture is to outline, very broadly, the different types of marriages we have in Kalabari land and the attendant ceremonies for each marriage. This should provide enough information for those who are interested to dig deeper and get more information about our rich Kalabari culture. I also have another goal in delivering this lecture. You see, I am a firm believer that even when we start from a particular point, nothing is static, even our culture and tradition. Therefore, it is also my intention to help introduce new ways of thinking about, understanding and treating marriage as a strong social and cultural institution within our traditional ethnic context.

Given your entrepreneurial background, what could have inspired your interest in such a tradition-themed topic?

First of all, before becoming an entrepreneur, I was and still remain a Kalabari woman. As such, the matters that affect the culture and welfare of my people concern me deeply. Secondly, this is not just an ordinary lecture; this is the 8th King Kariboye-Abbi Amachree IV Lecture, the eighth in a series of annual lectures hosted by the Amayanabo of Kalabari. It was also the first time a woman was being invited to deliver the lecture at such an august event. I therefore feel very honoured to be part of such a significant annual event.

How does your being a pastor shape your view of marriage?

A simple definition of marriage is the legally or formally recognised union of a man and a woman as partners in a relationship. Thus, marriage is a social and legal contract between a man and a woman. It unites their lives legally, economically and emotionally. The contractual marriage agreement usually implies that the couple has legal obligations to each other throughout their lives, and in many cases after the cessation of the marriage, due to death of one of the partners. There are different types of marriages in Kalabari land and each one bears close scrutiny. For me as a Christian, I believe that the union of man and woman originates from God’s wisdom and He instituted the first marriage. I believe, as many of us do, that His intention is for the marriage union to be eternal and the beauty starts at the onset.

What are the different types of marriage in the Kalabari traditional setting?

There are two broad types of marriages among the Kalabaris and they can be grouped into two categories – pseudo and real marriage. The former type of marriage is more like common law arrangements, where a man and woman decide to live together, with either little or no marriage rites and rituals. Usually the children of such relationships have negligible legal standing or acceptance in their father’s family. Even the woman, regardless of the length of time spent with the man, has no claims on his property or any type of inheritance. The real marriage is of two types: what the Kalabaris call Igwa-Sime and the Iya marriage. These in a nutshell are the different types of marriages among the Kalabaris.

You said earlier that part of your purpose in delivering this lecture is to inspire a robust understanding with regards to marriage among the Kalabaris. Would you say that has been achieved through this lecture?

The Kalabari culture is very strongly patrilineal, so it was a God-given opportunity for me to be invited by the Amayanabo of the Kalabari kingdom himself to deliver this lecture on such a sensitive topic that affects us all. Why is this important? Many distinguished chiefs attend the annual King Kariboye-Abbi IV Lecture. These are the custodians of our culture and folkways and these are the people who can influence and effect lasting changes in traditional practices that may not be too palatable for the majority of people.

Could you highlight a few of these new thoughts?

For the Kalabaris, the Iya marriage is considered as the highest, most legally binding type of marriage. An Iya wife is accorded the highest of rights in her husband’s home as well as in the community. Also, the offsprings of an Iya marriage have full rights of inheritance and succession in their father’s family. The ceremonies accompanying the Iya marriage are extremely elaborate and have distinctive rites associated with it, such as the requirement that the bride be provided a distinct quarter or property in her husband’s homestead, which is exclusive to her even after the death of her spouse. This can be an expensive venture for some people – especially young couples. Also, the elaborate ceremonies of Iya marriages make this type of marriage expensive. You see, in Kalabari marriage ceremonies, the wrapper is very significant and the Kalabaris have a wide variety of these wrappers, each of which has its own significance according to its type and occasion during which it is used. This is where another aspect of the expense comes in. The groom must present his bride-to-be with a trunk box filled with these wrappers, gold ornaments, bags, shoes, underwear, head ties, coral beads, blouses, towels and cosmetics. In the Igwa type of marriage, only one set or “Wari” of these wrappers is required; but during the Iya ceremony, three sets of them are needed. The wrappers, according to their grades, are India, Lokobite, Sinini, Gum, Accra, Blangidi, Akwete, Ikaki, Onunga, Krukrubite and Injiri. Why is the wrapper so important, you may wonder? Well, one reason is that the wrapper is traditionally used to identify a person as having the full birthright to be reckoned with during major traditional ceremonies such as chieftaincy installations and funerals. Wrappers play a large part during wedding ceremonies and the Kalabaris have a wide variety of these wrappers, each of which has its own significance according to its type and occasion during which it is used. So a properly married Kalabari woman must have her full set of wrappers.

This sounds like a very rich and colourful cultural practice; so where does the problem lie?

The issue actually lies in two areas: the disenfranchisement of women married under the

Igwa marriage. An Igwa wife cannot exercise any rights in her husband’s homestead and she and her children are often treated as second-class ‘property’ that may or may not be upgraded to first class or even have inheritance rights. For many Igwa wives, there is little hope that their marriages will be upgraded to Iya marriages, which in turn breeds frustration and hatred and pain. This has led to the situation where today’s Kalabari women tend to be indifferent, expect nothing and make little or no demands of their husbands. This in turn has made the average Kalabari man to lose sense of responsibility toward his wife and children. The second area relates to the Iya marriage. Since the ceremony is so elaborate and expensive, many young couples tend to either cohabit informally or stop at the Igwa stage of marriage. All of these, place tension on marriages and robs families and even communities of peace, love and stability, which should thrive within our homes and society. The consequence of all these is that the Kalabari Kingdom has majority of women bearing children who grow up only to be shocked when informed of their status (or the lack thereof) in their father’s house. They are usually disinherited, not by their loving fathers but by the Kalabari tradition itself.

What do you consider the solution to this situation?

The position I have put across in my address is this: in my opinion, the dichotomy between the Iya and Igwa forms of marriage has outlived its usefulness and it is high time this division is eradicated in Kalabari land. Hanging on to a cultural norm that does not contribute to the betterment of the society is very detrimental. Societies evolve and progress with time, carrying along with it, all its mores and values. When certain aspects of tradition become retrogressive (such as killing of twins etc.), it is usually discarded. The acceptance and even promotion of a marriage system that pushes our young women into promiscuity and our young men into irresponsible moral behaviour should not be allowed to continue. We should review and even question the relevance and utility of some of our non-progressive traditional ways of doing things, while upholding the values that make the Kalabari person unique. One such area to look into is our marriage institutions. I therefore strongly recommend that the Igwa marriage be totally discarded and replaced with the Iya marriage, which should be reformed in order to accommodate the rich and the poor.

This is a radical trend of thought. Do you think it will be given fair hearing by the custodians of the Kalabari culture?

Several things give me comfort and a sense of assurance in this matter. In the first instance, the Amayanabo of Kalabari along with his council of distinguished chiefs selected this topic. It therefore suggests to me that this is an issue they themselves are concerned about and wish to reform. Furthermore, I firmly believe that nothing happens by chance and therefore with God, all things are possible. To the casual onlooker, it may seem that today was just a lecture session but I know that in the realm of faith, a change has begun and it will surely run its full course, for the betterment of the marriages, homes and culture of the Kalabari people.

Would you mind speaking briefly about yourself?

My name is Seinye O.B. Lulu-Briggs. I am the wife of the Paramount Head of the Oruwari Briggs Compound of Abonnema, High Chief (Dr.) O.B. Lulu-Briggs. He is also the Iniikeiroari V of the Kalabari kingdom. So I am first a wife, then a mother and grandmother, an entrepreneur and also a very proud daughter of Kalabari kingdom, an accomplished entrepreneur and Executive Vice Chairman of MoniPulo Limited, an indigenous player in the upstream sector of the Nigerian exploration and production industry.

http://www.pressreader.com/nigeria/thisday/20160122/281814282876396/TextView

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